What Have The Demons Done?
by Tinkerbell-Lover-Ms-Write-It
Summary: It's be almost 5 months since Dally and Johnny died- it's all my fault, it 'shoulda been me. That voice in my head, or that dream that haunts me mind is right. It 'shoulda been me.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I normally never write about The Outsiders, but watching the movie again really made me want to, so here is my first The Outsiders fanfiction, now, if you do not like the themes that are going to be used in this, or think it's out of character for Ponyboy, than I am sorry, but please do not flame. **

**WARNING: Rated M for themes such as self-harm, no lemons will be in this story.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, everything except for the main plot belongs to S.E Hinton**

**P.S Please review, it would mean the world to me if you did! I will write another chapter up if you'd all want me to, otherwise I can pretty much just end it.  
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** I'm so sorry if this sucked ass, or if you thought I could do better, if you think it sucked than please leave a review to diss my work or leave some constructive criticism.  
**

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_I watched as Johnny strode over to me, burns blanketing over his skin as his eyes pierced mine with malice and anger. _

_"It's your fault I died, Ponyboy. Me and Dally- why, we could still be alive if it weren't for you" _

_"Johnny" I whispered, my knees falling to the stone cold ground. "Johnnycake, I'm sorry, please, I didn't mean for you to die" He hissed at me, his hand swiping across my cheek. _

_"It 'shoulda been you Pony, it 'shoulda been you" He took a step back, and continued walking down death's alley, not leaving me another look. _

_"Johnny!" I yelled, trying to get on up and run after him, but my legs were frozen. "Johnny!" _

_…"Pony, Ponyboy, wake up"…_

_"Pony" _

"Ponyboy, come on, wake up now" Sodapop whispered, his hand rested on my arm as I opened my eyes, taking in the shadow riddened room. "Are you okay, Pony?" Soda asked, wrapping an arm around my quivering shoulders.

"I-I'm fine- I need to use the bathroom" I didn't wait for a reply, I got up out of that bed and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me, the slam could be heard echoing throughout the silent house.

A sob wracked throughout my body as I closed my eyes.

This _was _all my fault, Dally and Johnny would still be here if it weren't for me. They tell me not to blame myself, but how can I not? I am a lost cause, a no good lost cause.

As I got up off of the floor, I felt around for the switch to flick the light on; I searched through the medicine cabinet, searching for the razor I kept hidden under a box of aspirins.

I looked at the mirror and staring back at me was someone I didn't even know- his skin was so pale, his brown eyes were dull, they held so much pain, they held so many secrets, so many hardships that he couldn't get out, stories that would never be heard- maybe these scars wouldn't be so hidden if they would just look me in the eyes instead of ignoring me like they normally would do.

I pursed my lips as I tugged my sleeves up to the elbow… and then I pressed- I pressed the razor to wrist, dragging it across the skin. I watched as the blood came seeping out slowly, beads formed together until it created what almost seemed to be a tiny river of crimson fluids, the pain that laced every cut made me forget, and I loved that- it gave me something else to focus on, the pain, well I welcomed it.

Just as I pressed the blade to my wrist one more time the door was opened. "Ponyboy, stop" Darry yelled, dropping to his knees, reaching for the razorblade. "What have you done to yourself, give me the razor, now!" he hissed out as I moved it away from him.

"What's 'goin on in 'ere?" His words were slurred, tiredness was overrunning him- well it was until he took in the sight in front of him. Him coming into the room proved to be a well enough distraction, because soon enough the razor was out of my hands and I was be embraced in Darry's smouldering arms.

"Oh Pony. Ponyboy, you- why would you do this to yourself, oh god Pony, you- you can't be" Soda whispered, kneeling down in front of me, taking my bleeding wrist and dabbing a white cloth over the wound, all my shame was in front of their eyes.

"Let me go Soda! Let me go, stop, I don't want y'all to help me!" I thrashed in Darry's arms, trying to get loose, he didn't need to see all the damage I had done to myself- neither did Darry.

"Ponyboy, we're going to help you whether you like it or not, starting with your razors" Darry said, letting me go as he went to pick up the razor that was dripping with my blood. "Now, Pony, do you have any more?"

"No" I whispered, glancing down at hard tiled floor, my arms wrapping around my legs as I pressed them to my chest. "No I 'ain't got no more"

"Don't you dare lie to me, Ponyboy Curtis, now where are the others" My eyes shot to the medicine cabinet, making sure everything was in place, that no evidence of my blades could be seen.

"Check the cabinet, Darry" Soda said following my line of sight, as he put something cold and wet on my wrist.

"Don't Darry, please, don't. Just let me be, just let me be" I whispered, my voice was filled with pity- pity for myself. Why couldn't they just let me be? This had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with myself- I shouldn't be here, they'd still be alive if it weren't for me. Everyone close to me seems to drop like flies. Mum, dad… and now… Dally and Johnny.

I closed my eyes as I felt a bandage being wrapped up my arm- I wanted this to stop happening; I didn't want to see Darry's face as he looked at all the blades I used to hurt myself with, I didn't want to see his face when he saw all the tissues that held my blood that I hid, or the stash of painkillers I managed to get my hands on.

"Ponyboy, look at me" Soda mumbled, and when I did, I saw all the tears that were trying to escape. "This needs to stop- do you want to end up in a hospital or an asylum, they'll do that ya'know. I don't want to lose you little-man, are you doing this because of Johnny and Dally, is that why you're doing it?"

"It's my fault they died! They're dead because of me! It 'shoulda been me, not them- me!"

I watched as Darry turned toward me, a look of anger on his face as he tightly grabbed my wrist that was covered by the sleeve of my sweater, a furious look in his eye; the wrist he was squeezing, I could tell, was starting to bleed.

"Don't you dare say that, you hear me, Pony? Me and Soda don't need another person 'dyin on us, first mum and dad, we're not going to let you die on us too. Now I'm real sorry that you don't 'wanna be here, but tough, because Soda and me-"

"Darry- let up- look" Sodapop whispered, pointing to my wrists as a few tears glided down his pale cheeks. Blood was seeping through my sweater, coating Darry's hand a crimson red.

"Ponyboy, show me your other arm" He muttered, finality littering his voice, but I was on firm ground as I clenched my arm to my chest, holding it there.

"No, you already saw that one isn't that enough!" I yelled, anger flowing through my veins. "Stop Darry" I growled as he made a move to forcibly push it down. "Stop it!" I kicked him in the thigh, but it didn't work. His hands were on my sleeve, pulling it down roughly. And there they all were, worse than the other arm. Cuts and scars, big and small, thick and thin laced my arms. "Oh god" I whispered, struggling to get it free. "Stop, Darry, please, please, just stop!" I could see it in his eyes, deep inside he wanted to cry, but he stood strong like he always did, grabbing the rag Soda had previously used to wipe away the blood.

"We're all going to be keeping an eye on you, even Two-bit and Steve, you hear me, kid? You're not to cut, and I will be checking your arms every day, even your legs, I don't care what 'ya say. Do you understand me?" I didn't reply, I simple looked up at the white, dull ceiling above me, wishing that a hole would just swallow me up into the pits of hell.

And the next thing I knew I was being picked up in the arms of Darry, and he began his stride into me and Soda's room.

"Soda, now I am going to check this room for blades, knives, scissors, anything that he can hurt himself with, just, you two go to sleep" As I was placed onto the bed I felt Soda wrap an arm around me, bringing me into his side as he hugged me tight as if something bad would happen if he didn't.

"G'night Pone" Soda whispered as my eyes shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to update, I'm not entirely sure how many there will be, but please keep reviewing it inspires me to type faster and to want to write loads more. P.S I'm sorry if some grammar is incorrect, I am Australian and we tend to spell things differently from America and I sometimes overlook what I type.**

**Review!**

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"Darry, what're going to do about Pone?" he whispered, as if not to disturb me from my slumber. "He is hurting himself, his out of control. Do we- we send him away to get better? Do we make sure people are around him 24/7, do we take him out of school... what the heck do we do about this?"

"We help him" Was Darry's simple answer. "We help him as best as we can, we don't take our eyes off of him, we check his arms every single day, every single hour if we have to."

"We can't be with him, every second of the day Darryl!"

"No, but someone will be."

"Why does this have to happen to us Darry? Why does god hate us? Why does he have to throw all of this on us and just expect us to deal with it? He made us lose Mum and Dad and now Johnny and Dally."

"It's 'gonna be okay little buddy, it's going to be okay"

I sat up in the bed, listening to their conversation as I wrapped my arms around my legs, hugging myself almost as I tried to keep the tears that were threatening to escape at bay.

"How the hell do you know that, how is everything going to be okay when nothing is okay right now? I want Ponyboy back! I want mum, I want dad, I want them all back! This isn't fair, why us? What have we done so wrong that someone feels the need to punish us in the way they are! It's all my fault." You could hear the sobs wracking through his body; this was wrong, this was all wrong. Soda shouldn't be crying- not Soda, not carefree, fun, drunk-off-of-life Sodapop Curtis.

"Sodapop Curtis, you listen to me, Little Buddy. This is not your fault. Okay? It's nobody's fault. We're going to get through this together, I promise you, honey. Everything will be okay in the end."

"Darry, will you promise me something?"

"Anything, little darling."

"Promise me, you'll never leave me"

"I promise to stay here as long as god will let me"

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose, my teeth biting into my lip as the tears ran down my face like rivulet in spring. I never wanted to hurt to them, I only wanted to hurt myself- why do I fail at everything? I couldn't help the cry that escaped my lips and cascaded throughout the cold, empty sorrow filled room. I could hear the footsteps trailing down the hall, making their way to me and Soda's room.

"Ponyboy, you up, honey?" Darry asked quietly, flicking on the light switch and illuminating the room. "Oh little buddy, what's the matter?" Darry hardly ever called me little buddy, that was Soda's nickname; he wrapped his arms around my body, bringing me closer to his side as Soda stood in the doorway, a blank expression amongst his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry that I hurt you both, that you think it's your fault, because it's not. It's my own fault, and-" I didn't know what else to say or do to make this better.

"Just promise, promise you'll never hurt yourself like _this-" _He grabbed my wrist, hiking the sleeve up as I refused to look into their eyes. "Again."

"I can't" I pushed my sleeves back down, winding my arms back around myself, shielding away from them.

"Oh yeah?" Darry exclaimed, getting up from next to me. "Well 'ya bloody well going to, what happened to the way you was before?"

"Darry, Darry stop it! Okay, stop your fighting! Please, for me."

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My body hurled forward as I gasped, a large breath of air plunged into my lungs as I looked frantically around the room for the train that was headed straight for Darry- but all I could see was the sheer darkness of my room, the only sound was the light breathing of Soda and the distant howling of sirens.

As gently as I could I removed Soda's arms from around me, feeling my way around the house; my heart was beating out of my chest as I walked into Darry's room. I just needed to see him, sleeping, safe in his bed away from the world's cruel injustices... and their he was, his slightly worn face at ease as he laid there in his bed.

I felt a breath of air that I never knew I was holding extinguish out into the room; as I began walking out the door the squeak of the floorboards wailed beneath my feet.

"Pony? Honey, what's the matter?"

"I-I can't sleep I had a bad dream." I muttered.

"Another one?" He frowned as I nodded at him. "Oh honey, here, hop in" He moved over, giving me some space so I could lay down beside him. "Just try to relax and get some sleep, you'll be okay, Little Buddy. I promise. Do you want to talk about what it was?"

"No. I just want to sleep, I don't want to remember"

And then his arms embraced me, my head laid on his chest listening to the beats of his heart. _Ba boom, ba boom, ba boom, ba boom, ba boom. _The soft hum was like a lullaby, lulling me to a deep sleep- but not before hearing Sodapop's erratic footsteps barging into Darry's room- but I was out like a light, tiredness overrunning me like twilight sweeping across Oklahoma. I was out like a flame.


End file.
